Let’s explore a real exam example!
Dear Marnie,
Hi there, how are things going these days? I’m so sorry to have missed your birthday party. I forgot to attend because it was a busy day for me. What can I do to make it up to you? Let me know. Anyway, I’m really sorry for not coming to your birthday party. I know it was a special day for you, and I can’t believe I didn’t go!
How was it? I don’t really have a reason for missing the party; I just forgot about it. I hope you’re not angry with me about it. You’ll have to let me know what you want to do, but I was thinking we could go to a baseball game to celebrate, even though it’s long overdue.
Did a lot of people go to your party? I hope so. Let me know how you’d like to celebrate, and I’ll be waiting for your call.
Yours faithfully,
Jessica
Word Count: 159
Scoring
In short, this is a Band 3 essay. Let’s look at how it would rate in the scoring areas:
Task Achievement/Response:
The essay barely covers the three main points in the task and does not do so effectively. The second point, “explain why you missed it and hadn’t let her know,” is underdeveloped. The writer gives a bland reason—“I don’t really have a reason for missing the party; I just forgot about it”—and could have developed this idea further. This is why the planning stage is crucial in the writing task. A better-developed response could have improved the score significantly.
Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay lacks a clear structure and is confusing for the reader. Several questions are scattered throughout the letter (“How was it?” in paragraph 2, and “Did a lot of people go to your party?” in paragraph 3). It’s unclear where the introduction ends, and the three points are not clearly presented. This lack of organization severely affects readability.
Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is weak and contains errors such as “alot” and “ur.” Even in informal writing, abbreviations like “ur” should never be used. However, the writer uses some appropriate expressions like “make it up to you” and “long overdue.” Note that “Yours faithfully” is too formal for this type of informal letter.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
The essay shows limited grammatical range but some accuracy. The past simple is used correctly, and future forms like “You’ll have to let me know” are appropriate. This may be one of the stronger aspects of the essay.
Potential Areas for Improvement:
The writer should review outlining techniques to improve coherence and cohesion. With proper planning, ideas can be expressed more logically and developed more fully. Also, abbreviations like “ur” should be avoided in formal assessments.