TOEFL® Writing Practice 184

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For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. You'll have 30 minutes to write your essay.

Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 350 words.

We recommend you practice organizing your essay for the first 5 minutes with a pen and paper like you will during your TOEFL exam.

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Question: If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, what change would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
Word Count: 0
 
Question: If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, what change would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
Word Count: 0
 
Question

If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, what change would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Your Essay

Please click MOCK TEST to write an essay for this question.

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Review

THIS IS NOT YOUR REVIEW!

It's an example of what you can expect from our writing reviews



Review Status: No review requested Status: (N/A)
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Review Summary (Sample)
Score 2 / 5

Get your essay reviewed which includes a writing score, comprehensive feedback on all parts of the essay, and a TOEFL report on each writing criteria.


The below sample is what you can expect from each writing review.

Writing Review Sample:
Sample writing essay
How we review your writing essay Our TOEFL certified instructors will review your writing essay based on the following criteria:
  1. Task Fulfillment
  2. Overall Organization
  3. Relevance & Quality of Supporting Ideas
  4. Grammatical Usage
  5. Vocabulary Usage
  6. Connections & Coherence
You will receive a score, feedback, and a TOEFL report on each writing criteria. The average score for all criteria will be converted to a score out of 15. This reviewing process imitates how ETS® TOEFL grades a TOEFL writing response.
Task Fulfillment (Sample)
Criteria Description Score
Task fulfillment is about how well you respond to the question you are given. TOEFL raters are looking for an essay that answers the question directly, with relevant ideas that are fully developed. Fulfilling the task means answering all parts of the question fully.
Score TOEFL Report
0

does not address the question at all or simply repeats words from the question prompt.

1

is only somewhat connected to the task/question and is limited in

The response is poorly or minimally connected to the given task/question and seriously lacks development

2

is only somewhat connected to the task/question and is limited in development

3

generally addresses the task/question and main points are somewhat developed

4

addresses the task/question well but may be a little underdeveloped on some major points

5

fully addresses the task/question and is fully developed
Overall Organization (Sample)
Criteria Description Score
Overall organization is about how you organize the ideas in your essay. This includes showing that you understand how to use basic essay structure and how to organize different kinds of paragraphs around main ideas.
Score TOEFL Report
0

does not address the question at all or simply repeats words from the question prompt.

1

is very disorganized, showing poor or no understanding of paragraph structure

has no or highly ineffective introduction and/or conclusion

2

is not well-organized, with unclear paragraph structure or disunity

has no or ineffective introduction and/or conclusion

3

has some problems with organization or paragraph structure

may fail to include both an introduction and conclusion

4

is fairly well-organized, though there may be minor lack of unity in paragraphs

includes an introduction and conclusion

5

is well-organized into clear and unified paragraphs

includes an effective introduction and conclusion
Relevance & Quality of Supporting Ideas (Sample)
Criteria Description Score
Relevance and quality of support is about your essay content or ideas. Your content should be related directly to the topic, and you should have several main ideas that support your opinion or position. These ideas should be persuasive or compelling.
Score TOEFL Report
0

does not address the question at all or simply repeats words from the question prompt.

1

may include many ideas or statements that are not relevant to the task/question

may include very few basic ideas, or ideas which do not lend strong support to the writer’s position

2

may include some ideas or statements that are not directly relevant to the task/question

has some supporting ideas but lacks strong support overall

3

may include a few ideas that are of minor relevance to the task/question

has some good supporting ideas but may require more to fully support the writer’s position

4

includes mostly ideas that are relevant to the task/question

includes several good ideas that support the writer’s position

5

includes only ideas that are directly relevant to the task/question

includes several very strong supporting ideas that may show some sophistication of thought
Grammatical Usage (Sample)
Criteria Description Score
Grammatical usage is about how you use English grammar, sentence structure, and the basic conventions of writing. Raters want to see that you can use what you know correctly, and that you can use a wide variety of structures to express your ideas.
Score TOEFL Report
0

does not address the question at all or simply repeats words from the question prompt.

1

contains many errors that interfere with meaning

is limited in grammatical range and frequently repetitive

uses mostly simple and repetitive sentence forms (simple and compound sentences)

has few or no attempts

2

contains several noticeable problems with form and usage that interfere with meaning

includes some variety of grammatical forms but still contains unnecessary repetition

relies primarily on simple sentence forms (simple and

3

contains some errors of form and usage that occasionally interfere with meaning

demonstrates reasonable facility with basic structures and clearly attempts complex sentences (though may contain errors)

4

contains some errors of form and usage that do not interfere with meaning

includes a range of structures and sentence types, including some complex structures, used generally effectively

5

contains only very minor errors that never interfere with meaning

includes a variety of grammatical forms used comfortably

makes few or no mistakes with simple sentence forms

includes complex sentences used com
Vocabulary Usage (Sample)
Criteria Description Score
Vocabulary usage is about how you use English words. Raters are looking for writing that uses different words correctly and accurately, and that uses a wide range of words that help readers understand.
Score TOEFL Report
0

does not address the question at all or simply repeats words from the question prompt.

1

includes mistakes with basic word form

includes limited vocabulary, with repetition and reliance on vocabulary from the question prompt

often uses inappropriate or incorrect words or wording

2

may include some incorrect word forms

attempts to use a range of words and phrases but may make errors that confuse the reader

makes somewhat accurate word choice but at times leaves the reader guessing

3

contains some errors in word form that may cause confusion

uses a limited range of words and phrases that is mostly appropriate

makes generally accurate word choice with only some effort by the reader

4

shows general facility with word forms with only minimal errors

uses a good range of words, phrases and possibly some idiomatic language

includes generally accurate word choice that doesn’t require reader effort to underst

5

may have only very minor errors in word form

effectively uses a wide range of words, phrases, and idioms

includes generally accurate word choice and at times demonstrates sophistication and precision in vocabulary
Connections & Coherence (Sample)
Criteria Description Score
Coherence and connections are about how you put your ideas together and link different sentences to each other. Raters want to see speaking that flows naturally from idea to idea without confusing the listener.
Score TOEFL Report
0

does not address the question at all or simply repeats words from the question prompt.

1

does not connect ideas

does not use expressions of transition, introduction, or conclusion

2

does not adequately connect ideas, causing some reader confusion

attempts only basic expressions of transition, introduction, or conclusion, but may do so ineffectively or incorrectly

does not feel unified

3

shows some connection between ideas, though several connections may be unclear

includes some basic expressions of transition, introduction, and conclusion

needs to be more strongly unified

4

generally connects ideas well, though a few connections may be unclear

includes expressions of transition, introduction, and conclusion

feels somewhat unified overall

5

connects ideas very clearly

includes a wide range of words and expressions of transition, introduction, and conclusion

feels unified overall
 
Sample Essay
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TOEFL Independent Writing Tips for Success
These are general tips that will appear on all Independent writing questions.

Tip 1: Follow a standard TOEFL essay structure
Introductory Paragraph 1. Provide background information about the essay topic. Here are a few techniques:
  1. Begin with two sides of opinions on the essay topic
  2. Begin with the general public's opinions
  3. Introduce a fact that raises a question about the essay topic
  4. Introduce a debate on the essay topic
  5. Mention the advantage or disadvantage of a subject as a way to contrast
  6. your main opinion on the subject.

2. Write a strong thesis statement

Lesson: How to write a high-scoring TOEFL introductory paragraph part 1
Lesson: How to write a high-scoring TOEFL introductory paragraph part 2
Body Paragraph A
Body Paragraph B
Body Paragraph C (Optional) 		1. Include a transition word/phrase at the beginning
2. Write a topic sentence
3. Include supporting sentences

Lesson: How to write a high-scoring TOEFL body paragraph
Conclusion Paragraph 1. Include a restatement of the thesis statement you wrote in your introduction
2. Provide a brief summary of your main ideas

Lesson: How to write a high-scoring TOEFL conclusion paragraph

There's no maximum length for your essay, but a good response is usually at least 300 words.

Tip 2: Use transition words and phrases

You need to use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas in your essay. You should have 2 transition words/phrases every 4-5 sentences.

Type of connection Transition words
These words can help you show the order of ideas. First/Second/Third
Firstly (or "First of all")/Secondly/Thirdly (or "Lastly")
For one thing/For another thing/Finally (or "Lastly")
In the first place/in the second place/Finally (or "Lastly")

Instead of "First", "First of all" and "Firstly", we can use "To begin with", "To start with", or "For starters". We can also use "First and foremost" to state that the first key point is the most important one among all key points.

Likewise, instead of "Finally" and "Lastly", we can use "Last but not least" to state that the final key point is just as important as the others, despite it being mentioned last.
These words can help you add information In addition, furthermore, additionally, also, next, moreover, what's more, on top of that
These words can help you conclude or to summarize: To sum up, in summary, in conclusion, to conclude, all in all, all things considered ,overall, taking everything into consideration, in a nutshell
These words can help you demonstrate contrast Conversely, on the contrary, by contrast, by way of contrast, on one hand/on the other hand
These words can help you compare or demonstrate similarity Similarly, likewise, by the same token, along similar lines
These words can help you state a result. As a result, as a consequence, consequently, therefore
These words can help you state a generalization. Generally, on the whole, in most cases, in general
These words can help you clarify a point. That is, in other words, to put it simply, That is to say, just to reiterate
These words can help you give examples. For example, for instance, take something, for example, to give a clear example
These words can help you state an alternative. Alternatively, as another possibility
Tip 3: Vary your sentence structure

To achieve a higher score or a perfect 5 out of 5 on the TOEFL English language criteria, you must show that you can accurately and flexibly use a variety of structures.

Lesson: Achieving sentence variety part 1
Lesson: Achieving sentence variety part 2
Lesson: Achieving sentence variety part 3
Tip 4: Avoid grammar and spelling mistakes

You should avoid any grammar and spelling mistakes, otherwise your score will be deducted.

Lesson: Countable nouns and Uncountable nouns
Lesson: Subject verb agreement rules
Lesson: Use the right article
Lesson: Relative pronouns and relative clauses
Lesson: Achieving sentence variety part 1 (Pay attention to the lesson content related to punctuation)
Lesson: Achieving sentence variety part 2 (Pay attention to the lesson content related to punctuation)

If you are a premium member, you will have up to 50 free essay grammar corrections.

Tip 5: Vary your vocabulary

You should avoid using the same vocabulary throughout your essay. Instead, you can use synonyms or phrases that have the same meaning of words.

Here are some ways you can improve on this area:

  1. Read our sample essays and pay attention to words you are not familiar with.
  2. Utilize our TOEFL Vocabulary system
  3. Utilize our TOEFL synonyms exercises
 
writing Practice 184
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