Review Status: N/A
Question
You have a suggestion for a park near your apartment building.
Write a letter to your city's council board. In your letter:
- Describe who you are and what your suggestion is
- Explain why you think this suggestion will improve the park
- Detail when you would like to see this suggestion in action
Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear Councilor,
Academic language suggestion in blue
General comments in green
Dear Councilor,
My name is I am Jose, residing at street no.321 building 232- A in your council ward area. I would like to write this letter for with the suggestion of building a public park near our residential area. More than 500 people residing reside in this area, but there is no public park or any play grounds playground in our the surrounding
You have described who you are, and you have provided an opening statement, stating why you are writing the letter with the suggestion of improving your residential area. You have made a few grammatical errors. Try to use articles where needed as they help link nouns. You need to learn how to use articles correctly in a given context. Check out our grammar lesson on how to use the right articles: https://www.bestmytest.com/ielts/lesson/english/use-the-right-article
This letter may help the council start to think thinking about the importance of having a public park in this residential area. Most of the tenants in my building also have the same opinions opinion
You have briefly stated why this suggestion will improve the area. There are a few grammatical errors. Prepositions and articles help sentences flow easily. You could have stated that a park can improve the community's overall well-being.
I hope the council can decide to take make a plan to during the next council meeting and also you can start the construction of the park within a month.
You have stated when you would like the plan to start. Perhaps you could have stated why this plan must be implemented urgently, for example by saying that children have nowhere to play and that them playing on the road can cause serious issues. This way you could have pointed out that this plan should be implemented ASAP or in the next month. You are writing this letter to convince the councilor of your community, so they need to see valid reasons.
Your closing statement should be a bit more formal or semi-formal.
Jose
Model Essay
Advanced grammar structures are highlighted in green
Topic vocabulary are highlighted in blue
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing in regards to an international flight that I missed due to reasons beyond my control.
For the past two weeks, I have been traveling for business and speaking at international conferences. Unfortunately, I arrived to the Tokyo airport over three hours delayed yesterday afternoon, due to the technical difficulties experienced by one of your company's aircrafts. Consequently, I missed my connecting flight from Tokyo to Madrid, and could not attend the conference.
As a result of the delay, my company had to send another executive to speak at the conference in Madrid. This is not only a major inconvenience on our end, but it is a costly expenditure as well. Additionally, I have had to pay out of pocket for my lodgings in Madrid.
Since the delay was caused by your aircraft, I hope that you will compensate me for the cost of my lodgings in Madrid as well as my additional flight home to Toronto, Canada.
I look forward to your response.
Yours faithfully,
Amanda Traynor
Word Count: 174
Model Essay Analysis
Scoring
In short, this is a Band 9 essay. Let's look at how it would rate in the scoring areas:
Task Achievement/Response - The essay covers the three main points in the task – it describes what happened for the writer to have missed her flight, it explains how missing the flight has impacted her, and it clearly states what she would like the airline to do.
Coherence and Cohesion – The essay was clearly organized, contained different paragraphs per each point as well as spaces after each paragraph. Each idea flowed nicely after the other and was formal in tone. Transitions were used well.
Lexical Resource: A table below will showcase the lexical resource. In general, the essay contained useful vocabulary that was specific to traveling—specifically airport travel. These vocabulary words are an example of the candidate's past studies in the English language. The transition words were varied and quite strong throughout the essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: A table below will showcase the grammatical structures. In general, the essay contained the passive voice when necessary, as well as present perfect continuous in the beginning paragraph. The candidate showcased her confidence using different types of grammatical forms.
Potential Areas for Improvement: While the structure, task achievement, and cohesion were excellent, the writer could have used different types of grammatical range. One example could include using past perfect to describe the problems associated with the aircraft.
You have provided a title for your letter.