Review Status: N/A
Question
You have a suggestion for a park near your apartment building.
Write a letter to your city's council board. In your letter:
- Describe who you are and what your suggestion is
- Explain why you think this suggestion will improve the park
- Detail when you would like to see this suggestion in action
Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear Councilor,
Academic language suggestion in blue
General comments in green
Dear Councilor,
My name is I am Jose, residing at street no.321 building 232- A in your council ward area. I would like to write this letter for with the suggestion of building a public park near our residential area. More than 500 people residing reside in this area, but there is no public park or any play grounds playground in our the surrounding
You have described who you are, and you have provided an opening statement, stating why you are writing the letter with the suggestion of improving your residential area. You have made a few grammatical errors. Try to use articles where needed as they help link nouns. You need to learn how to use articles correctly in a given context. Check out our grammar lesson on how to use the right articles: https://www.bestmytest.com/ielts/lesson/english/use-the-right-article
This letter may help the council start to think thinking about the importance of having a public park in this residential area. Most of the tenants in my building also have the same opinions opinion
You have briefly stated why this suggestion will improve the area. There are a few grammatical errors. Prepositions and articles help sentences flow easily. You could have stated that a park can improve the community's overall well-being.
I hope the council can decide to take make a plan to during the next council meeting and also you can start the construction of the park within a month.
You have stated when you would like the plan to start. Perhaps you could have stated why this plan must be implemented urgently, for example by saying that children have nowhere to play and that them playing on the road can cause serious issues. This way you could have pointed out that this plan should be implemented ASAP or in the next month. You are writing this letter to convince the councilor of your community, so they need to see valid reasons.
Your closing statement should be a bit more formal or semi-formal.
Jose
Model Essay
Advanced grammar structures are highlighted in green
Topic vocabulary are highlighted in blue
Dear Ms. Snyder,
I am writing to request time off for an annual holiday trip with my family.
Each year, my extended family members plan a family reunion in Sacramento, California. Since we all live so far away, these reunions have always been great opportunities for us to see each other and reconnect. It is for this reason that I would need to use some of my holiday time in August.
Since the reunion falls on Sunday, August 25th, I would be available to work up until Friday, August 24th. Thus, I am formally requesting time off from Monday, August 26th until Friday, August 30th. I would be available to return to work on Monday, September 2nd.
I fully realize that August is our busiest period, and taking holiday during this time could potentially increase the workload of my colleagues. As such, I would be more than happy to take on any overtime in early August or during the month of September.
Thank you for your understanding. I look forward to your response.
Sincerely,
Becky Range
Word Count: 176
Model Essay Analysis
Scoring
In short, this is a Band 9 essay. Let's look at how it would rate in the scoring areas:
Task Achievement/Response - The essay covers the three main points in the task – the writer asks for time off and clearly explains why, she provides the dates and times for which she will be unavailable to work, and she describes what she will do to make up for her absence. All in all, these themes are touched upon and described in the letter.
Coherence and Cohesion – The essay was clearly organized, contained different paragraphs per each point as well as spaces after each paragraph. Each idea flowed nicely after the other and was semi-formal in tone. Transitions were used well.
Lexical Resource: A table below will showcase the lexical resource. In general, the essay contained useful vocabulary that was specific to the letter's theme of family reunions and the business setting. The letter contains authentic phrases such as “more than happy” to get the point across.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: A table below will showcase the grammatical structures. In general, the conditional form was used, as the writer is making a request to her boss and realizes that nothing has been approved yet. Present perfect was used when necessary.
Potential Areas for Improvement: While the structure, task achievement, and cohesion were excellent, the writer could have used more transition words, especially in the beginning of the last paragraph regarding taking on overtime. While the grammar used worked well for the letter, more advanced structures could have been used.
Topic Vocabulary | Grammar Structures | Transition Words |
These vocabulary words are either specific to the theme of work, holiday, or advanced-level vocabulary: | …have always been… - Present Perfect | Since… |
You have provided a title for your letter.